


Some Like To Imagine

by MechanicalMermaids



Category: Captain America - All Media Types
Genre: Bucky Barnes Feels, Bucky Barnes Needs a Hug, Bucky Barnes Recovering, Captain America: The Winter Soldier Compliant, Gen, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-01-04
Updated: 2015-01-04
Packaged: 2018-03-05 07:58:11
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,062
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3112115
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/MechanicalMermaids/pseuds/MechanicalMermaids
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>‘ I am sergeant James Barnes, of Howling Commandos.’  He recited quietly, his voice carefully monotonous and mechanical  ‘ –From Brooklyn.’  He added by the way of nothing, just because he figured Steve would be pleased to hear it on television.<br/>James still looked pretty haggard with his permanent five-o-clock dark shadows and brooding expression fixed on his face, big, wandering eyes caked in tactical paint, examining the colorful kindergarten room with uneasy expression. Everything was soft about that room. Not much of the choice in weapons, even though he managed to smuggle couple of knives—<br/>‘ And I am Diana! From New Jersey!’<br/>*</p><p>Basically the post-winter soldier take on Comedy Central's Thor: The Dark World ads featuring Loki and the bunch of pre-schoolers.  Hopefully this one will go better.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Some Like To Imagine

_‘ I am sergeant James Barnes, of Howling Commandos.’_ He recited quietly, his voice carefully monotonous and mechanical _‘ **–From Brooklyn**.’ _ He added by the way of nothing, just because he figured Steve would be pleased to hear it on television.

James still looked pretty haggard with his permanent five-o-clock dark shadows and brooding expression fixed on his face, big, wandering eyes caked in tactical paint, examining the colorful kindergarten room with uneasy expression. Everything was _soft_ about that room. Not much of the choice in weapons, even though he managed to smuggle couple of knives—

_‘ And I am Diana! From New Jersey!’_

Well, that didn’t exactly caught him off guard, but did enough to make his head snap towards the source of sound, making couple of hairs slip out of his messy bun of un-kept hair. He didn’t even realize there was a noticeable pause between the time he introduced himself and the little girl with a toothy smile and the cheap model of prosthetic arm, taking initiative.

He was just sitting there and sweating in the full tactical winter soldier gear, because apparently Howard Stark’s kid thought it was a hilarious idea for each of the avengers to do a live charity event with a couple of kids from the NY orphanage.

James was doing this instead of sleeping, because Steve was obviously taking the matter very seriously, as he reminded _‘Bucky’_ that they were orphans once upon a time too.

Back in the kindergarten playroom, camera zoomed out, presenting four little children, sitting on the kids sized poufs around him, with giddy-impatient expressions, and apparently waiting for him to entertain them.

James just opened and closed his mouth several times, but no sound came out. Instead he eyed the little ones helplessly.

God, he felt stupid.

He probably looked just as dead inside as he felt.

*

The live stream cut, replaced by some _in-your-face_ Stark Industries sponsor ad. When the playroom reappeared it was Captain America in full suit, barely able to fit his muscled ass on the toddler sized pouf.

 _‘ Is Bucky gonna be alright?’_ Asked Diana, fiddling and readjusting her arm. She looked guiltily uneasy. The rest of the children were looking slightly mesmerized at the fist sized indent in the wall.

Captain America smiled at her brilliantly, reassurance practically pouring out of him.

_‘He’ll be right back. He’s fine’_

*

_James was not fine._

_‘I’ll take it from here if you want. Just sit down and relax. Deep breaths.’_ Steve reminded him.

And sure, back in the day it took a lot less than an unguarded room full of children to launch him into a panic attack, but it still felt as gut twisting with disappointment as ever.

_He was going to kill Stark._

But right now, in Steve’s bone crushing embrace, huddled together against the wall of the bathroom,  everything seemed a little bit more calm and hopeful.

_‘ If that makes you feel better, Loki seems to be doing horrible.’_

James snorted half-heartedly into Steve’s collarbone. He knew enough about Loki, to know what sort of madness, putting him in closed space with children, would ensue.

_‘ There was this little girl that said something along the lines of **“Thor can push bad guys by using only his hammer”** and Loki felt so offended, that he pushed her off the sofa, saying that now, **he** pushed her using only his **arm**.’ _

_‘ That’s a terrible pun.’_

Steve’s relieved laugh boomed against his chest.

_‘ I know, right? Thor went right back to telling his group Loki was adopted, after this.’_

_‘ I just need a minute, ok? I can do this.’_ James murmured seriously, after another couple of minutes spent in companionable silence.

_‘ Sure Buck, whatever you want.’_

*

James reappeared in the same setting, looking a little bit in peace with himself. Someone – probably Steve – had enough audacity and patience to approach him with a comb and brush his hair, arranging it into a neat ponytail. The war paint got wiped away, making him look more like a respectable vet and less like a crazy homeless person.

He looked at his group of children expectantly.

 _‘ Who’s the better superhero—Captain America or Winter Soldier? ‘_ His voice didn’t falter at the last two words only thanks to his training. He was going to hunt down and hurt the person who came up with such an unbelievably stupid question.

But to James’ surprise audience seemed to be seriously torn, between shouting _‘Cap!’_ and _‘Soldier!’_ in equally enthusiastic little children voices. 

_Did he accidentally forgot doing something heroically in the last couple of months, like saving a burning school bus full of first graders, maybe?_

It was within the realm of possibilities. He had to ask Steve about it later, but for now—

 James frowned at them, pouting confusedly.

 _‘ Why would you say my name too?’_ He asked very seriously and very quietly.

 _‘ Cause you have a **great** metal arm’ _The red headed girl contributed enthusiastically ‘ _and you sometimes use it to punch bad guys and sometimes you use it to help people stuck in places—‘_ **_Did_** _he save that schoolbus?_ _‘ And you got cap’s shield painted on it—and then it makes that ‘ **whrrrr’** sound sometimes—‘ _ She started making appropriate metal arm noises for a while at that –‘ _And it’s **so strong** that you can knock bad guys over with it and—‘_

James nodded solemnly, stashing these pieces of intel for later.

 _‘ But St—Captain America is a superhero’_ He offered. It was a perfectly good counterargument.

The little girl stopped talking abruptly, looking at him like he might have been a little bit stupid and she has to change her tactics to level with him.

 _‘ But you’re a hero too, Bucky.’_ She said it, like it was some kind of universal truth. Like it was as much of a truth as the fact that Steve was Captain. _‘ I know what I’m talking about, I’ve got a bucky bear, and he’s dressed like you, and—‘_

James shook his head furiously. That didn’t make any sense. She meant that _Bucky_ was a hero and James _knew that_ already. He read his file in Smithsonian and he already told Steve he didn’t remember any of it happening.

Suddenly someone launched at his lap and James had to keep every single one of his instincts at bay to freeze in place and _not_ snap the neck of a same little girl, who - not unlike earlier - Steve, attempted to hug all the air out of his lungs.  She whispered to him, like passing over a secret. _It was ok to be sad. He was still **her** hero._

The footage cut.

*

\--And it came back with the roll of ads, Justin Hammer screaming something about Stark Industries selling people _shit_ , unlike _his_ products—

 _‘I’m calling Pepper!’_ Tony threw his hands in the air, simultaneously slumping on the sofa, that groaned under the weight of his body armor _– ‘ Jarvis, call Pepper.’_

 _‘ Tony, we are in the orphanage. Jarvis is not hanging around in the walls here.’_ Steve reminded him distractedly. He was torn between wanting to thank the little girl that handled Bucky’s anxiety so well, and hugging the man himself.

Couple of vagabond children that either escaped Loki’s interview or were just wandering around aimlessly, joined him and Tony in a TV room a while ago. There was also a pair of little girls, but they left earlier to do an interview with Natasha, following her like little ducklings with their hair freshly braided by Black Widow.

The huge stark industries plasma TV that Tony dragged along and gifted to the orphanage, transmitted each one of them live. 

‘ **_Wrong._** _Dialing with iron man suit as we speak.’_ Tony replied smugly. Science.

Steve’s eyes almost rolled back into his skull.

*

 _‘ –But he’s got the vibranium shield and he saved the world at least three times already’_ James persisted. The little girl was back with a cuddly companion now.

 _‘ **You’re rude** ’_ She sing songed out of sudden, hugging teddy bear tightly to her chest, a patch of silver material sewn to the fluffy left arm. 

James frowned.  She puffed her cheeks out, turning away from him. James sighed with yielding expression.

He didn’t understand children very well.

*

_‘ How many of you have a best friend?’_

All the children raised their chubby hands agreeably. Couple of them murmured _‘ I do’_   solemnly, like it was a big of a deal for a five year old.

 _‘ But did you ever had to— **fight** them?’_ – James prompted with a slight pout taking over his features. The blonde girl with curly pigtails immediately denied that, shaking her head firmly.

James nodded at that, slightly relieved. Good. Kids shouldn’t have to worry about things like that.

 _‘Did you ever got brainwashed and turned into a deadly assassin for seventy years, only to be found by your best friend but also almost killing them in the process for their trouble? ‘_ The words left his mouth before he could stop them, or even understood what was happening. Due to his severe past trauma, his doctor used to say that James might experience slips of conscious speech like that, once in the while.

The first time it happened and he wasn’t able to filter the things he was saying, he ended up seriously embarrassing himself in front of Steve with all his mushy feelings finally finding outlet.

It all ended up good, though. In bed.

_They cuddled it out._

James swallowed quietly, gaze fixed unblinkingly on the floor. After a beat of time, he finally gathered enough of the courage to encounter the children.

He looked up.

They actually seemed kinda bored, if not slightly confused. The dark skinned girl with a flowery pink hairband fidgeted on her seat, her eyes slightly bulging, when she caught his attention. She said slowly;

 _‘ Noo? But—I just need to go to the bathroom--?’_ She was speaking all funny with a tooth gaps in her mouth which she tongued frequently.

 _‘ Go ‘_ He choked out.

*

_‘ I can’t do this shit anymore, Steve’_

_‘ No, it was all good, I promise. You handled it.’_

_‘ No, **you just keep saying that,** ’_ James lashed out suddenly. He kept tugging at his own hair with frustration, ruining most of Steve’s hard work  he put in making him look presentable and it just made James feel even worse all over again.

It wasn’t until Steve gently uncurled the grip metal hand had on strands of hair. Finger by finger he patiently held them, before putting James’ hand in his own lap and massaging the inside of it reassuringly, even though the only indication of what he was doing were the small electricity currents running down his spine in time with a touch.

 _‘-- It wasn’t **good**. It’s not what **normal people** do—‘ _ James said quietly. Steve looked up at him like his heart was breaking a bit all over again, opening his mouth to say something--

 _‘ Pepper says she’s working on taking Hammer’s ad off’_ Tony informed them, windmilling his knuckles impatiently, dividing between staring at his own smiling face in his own ad, on his own TV screen and checking something on the touch screen of his Stark phone.

 _‘ Shut up, Tony.’_ They both turned their heads his way and said the words almost simultaneously, Steve’s _‘Tony’_ , mixing with James’ harsher _‘Stark’_.

 _‘ Alright, alright I get it. You two were having a moment. ‘_ Tony murmured, indulging a little boy that came up to him, eyeing the fancy phone hungrily and letting him play a few rounds of galaga on it.

*

After a commercial break, Captain America reappeared like a giant Alice in Wonderland, sitting on a small blue pouf, surrounded by toys and the little ones.

He wore a stern expression and children visibly braced themselves for what would probably be an important lecture about truth, honor and best friends. 

 _‘ Is any of you dealing with unrequited love?’_ He asked in an entirely unexpected _Steve_ voice. The silence fell upon them. Steve cleared his throat. _‘ Nah, it’s probably too soon for you anyway—‘_

The same blonde girl who came back from the toilet during the commercial break, now shook her head very slowly, looking at him like she didn’t understood the question at all, and maybe, just maybe, Captain America was being _weird_. 

*

 _‘ Now, I’m going to hold out some pictures for you, and you’re going to tell me the first thing that comes to your mind ‘_ \- James instructed the kids. He knew this game. His psychiatrist made him do this once, with an excessive blotches of black ink displayed on the projector. He mostly saw brain cross-sections and butterflies then.

The first picture depicted Steve in his full Captain America uniform. That one was easy.

 _‘ Good!’_ Children cheered agreeably. James was proud. He smiled at them with a rare ghost of a smile that actually reached his eyes, just the corners of his mouth slightly upturned.

 _‘ That’s right. He’s the best of us all, **no matter what Iron Man says** ’_ The smile slipped right off his face, replaced by the vicious snarl directed at the camera. He saw the camera man shaking a bit, before the grip he had on the camera steadied once again.

The turned the picture. This time it was himself caught in the Soldier gear. He remembered that one. Steve snapped it quickly with his phone camera just before James’ first official mission head out with the Avengers. He seemed very proud at the time.

James smiled at the memory and almost missed children’s uproar of squeaky voices. Didn’t matter. That one was also quite obvious.

 _‘ Yes, and that’s why—‘_ He said on autopilot, before his brain truly processed the information, and just as the last remains of _‘Good!’_ died out again. They had to cheer for Steve still. Understandable, but—

James turned his gaze away from the photo, trying to figure out what was happening. Maybe he blacked out again for a moment. Just like a school bus time. Mental note to ask Steve about it – once again.

 _‘ What do you mean? ‘_ He stared them down accusingly. – _‘ This isn’t **good**. This is winter soldier.’_ – He pointed out, in case that somehow slipped their short attention span.

 _‘ Winter Soldier is a hero!’_ Some boy on his left explained enthusiastically. James thought they would be over it already.

 _‘ Seriously? You’re not rather buy into this whole blonde and muscled supersoldier thing?’_ The boy deflated a bit, turning silent in his seat.

*

Justin Hammer reappeared on a screen in front of a gigantic _‘ Hammer Industries_ ’ sign, fervently demonstrating, how easily Stark phones broke in encounter with a _hammer_. 

 _‘ Harr-harr, yeah, HAMMER, good one, Justin, **good one**.’ _ Stark sputtered with the last of his dignity and blueberries. _‘ Why’s he even there—This is Avengers event.’ –_ He pointed his outstretched armored hands towards the screen, addressing the little boy sitting on the not depressed end of the couch.

 _‘ I dunno. He sounds like a dick. ‘_ Boy replied, never looking away from his game.

 ** _‘ Thank you.’_** Tony dotted.- _‘ Also, language.’_ He reminded himself, pointing the finger at him.

_‘ Yeah, yeah.’_

_‘ You can have a phone by the way. I have like five of them at home.’_

_*_

The footage returned. The little boy was still looking justifiably chastised under James’ stern gaze, for not paying the rightful homage to America’s greatest war hero alive.

But right then, a dark skinned boy sitting on James’ right, came to his friend’s rescue.

 _‘ You have a scary face.’_ He addressed James who startled briefly. The words brought back the uneasy feeling at the pit of his stomach, that resurfaced every time Steve forced him to leave the apartment to go running with him. _‘Scary face’_   was pretty close to what he imagined people walking down the street, as he passed them and after the run, the girl selling him coffee at Starbucks, must have felt looking at his hollow expression. At his stitched together joke of a body.

James remained calm despite the uproar in his head. It was just a kid saying a stupid thing to make him mad.

 _‘ **You** are scary.’ _   James returned, not even looking his way. It wasn’t exactly a lie. Kids were pretty fucking scary sometimes. And right now, James just had to play his role for a while. Identity. He knew this game all too well.

_‘ No, you are!’_

_‘ I swear I’m gonna call Steve--’_ He mocked uneasily. Once again, not a complete lie. He felt like calling Steve. He felt like hiding behind Steve’s safe, muscled back. The kid on his left was chuckling uncontrollably right now, even though it wasn’t even _that_ funny.

 _‘ Oh **yeah**? I’m gonna call Falcon!’ _ Kid sassed right back.

He had a point.

*

 _‘Who’s the earth’s most powerful superhero?’_ Someone must have been really digging his grave with all these bullshit questions. Couldn’t James just ask these children what their favorite colors were – _His was blue_ – or a favorite shape – _Triangle. You don’t care._   Instead he got handed over a questionnaire with about billion Avengers related questions.

 _‘ Iron man!’_ A familiar girl with a flower hairband answered immediately, although a little bit sleepy. They were at it for a while now.

Somewhere out there, Tony was probably shedding a single tear of joy.

 _‘ Falcon!’_ The ‘scary face’ boy replied to no one’s surprise.

 _‘ I’d say Black Widow’_ James said, just because now he could have opinions and express them, which apparently could only do a world of good for his mental health.

 _‘ Banana head fartman’_ Just replaced Tony in girl’s heart. She was mumbling into her pouf, half lying with her face in it and about ready to pass out. If James was Steve, he would scoop her up and put more comfortably in his lap, but since only Captain America would pull it off and not make it look like he was a creepy pedophile so James  simply let her be.

 _‘ I’m pretty sure you made that one up. ‘_ He said, even though she probably couldn’t hear him anymore. He head to ask Steve about it though, _just to be safe_.

 _‘ Captain America’_ Said proudly the girl who gifted him with a hug earlier. She was now the proud owner of customized bucky bear, who’s flimsy metal arm was now bearing an uneven maker painted star and Steve’s autograph.

James gave her a little, shaky smile.

_‘ Yeah, on the second thought—‘_


End file.
